Quotes--Rabbi Daniel Lapin

One quote that is working on me now to shape the way I do business is one that Dave Ramsey uses fairly often. I think it sums up a lot of how I want to do business (though I fall short sometimes). It also sums up the book "The Go-Giver" which I will write about soon. Tell me what you think about this

"God is inordinately pleased when we are obsessively, compulsively consumed with the needs of others." - Rabbi Daniel Lapin

I know this isn't exactly a business quote but it certainly can have implications in business if you want it to. Think about how this can apply to other people. If I am consumed with the needs of other people, i.e. my clients, won't my needs be met? Isn't that attitude infectious? If you are in "the corporate world" won't you be able to move up the ladder if you constantly work toward the well-being of your coworkers, clients, bosses? It sounds crazy but letting go of your own needs, focusing on the needs of others exclusively will bring success. It will also bring a measure of happiness that can't be generated any other way.

Just Care

Have you ever really thought about how bad people are to each other? I know its a weird question. I was listening to Civil War by Guns N Roses this morning and then had a flash memory of the scene from "The Fifth Element" where Leeloo
"catches up" on history and freaks out. People are really bad to each other! They steal, lie, cheat, murder, punch, kick, stab, shoot each other. Often just for trinkets or fleeting wealth. Sometimes for "power" which is really just authority to do more of the same stuff with less risk of getting in trouble. Its pretty sad and scary when you think about it. The really sad, even depressing, part is that when you think globally, the problem is so big that you get hopeless. There is nothing I can do in Tennessee to relieve the hell in some foreign country.

What should we do then? Do we just throw our arms up and say oh well, might as well get in on the action? I think not. I think it all comes down to individuals, not necessarily huge organized movements, but the actions of individuals. Individuals just have to decide to not be horrible to others. I know that sounds so simple it is almost childish. Think about the ramifications though.

Lets look at my business. How often do I have the opportunity to mess up someone's life--almost daily. I can lie, cover up things, cheat on paperwork, forge signatures, talk people into loans or products that will ultimately hurt them, sell them on a house that will ultimately hurt them. I could do all that. I could probably make more money (at least short term) if I did that. I could only refer service providers that gave me a kickback. This means I wouldn't necessarily refer the best person and I would certainly not have my clients' best interest at heart, but instead my own pocket. I could do that. But, again, I wouldn't have my clients' best interest at heart. Instead, I choose to care. Just care about my clients, their well being, their health, their wealth, their needs and wants. I care if the house they are buying is not what they need. I care if the person fixing their commode does a bad job. You get the point.

Lets take that a step further. It is so easy to see hardship and suffering in far off places on TV and say, well, its not in my back yard. I don't care. Even if we don't actually say that out loud, we still say it in our actions--or lack of actions. I'm not asking you to do much. Just care. See that suffering and say, "wow, that is heartbreaking." Then do whatever your heart stirs you to do. Maybe it is just to say a prayer. Maybe it is to find a relief fund that actually does the work and support that. Maybe it is just to tell all your friends about it through social media. Maybe you are stirred to actual action and you get up and go there to help. I don't know. I just want you to care first. Stop being so cynical and jaded and cold and numb to the reality that people are terrible because they don't care. Just care. It will change your life and lives around you.

I know I sound like a "feed the children" commercial but I think this needs to be said. How much better would the world be if people just gave a crap about each other?

Why Do Businesses Exist?

Had a very good conversation last night with one of my friends. It was especially good because we disagreed on some fundamental principles but yet we were both able to maintain a civil, eloquent, thought-out conversation. So often those conversations devolve into name calling or other slights just out of convenience or exhaustion.

The conversation centered around the idea of the rights of workers versus the ability of employers to intrude into the workers' personal lives outside of the workplace. To frame the argument in as short a space as possible, the question was posed to me, "should an employer be able to fire someone for failing a drug screening?" Then he proceeded with, "should that employer even be able to drug test?" Now before you get up in arms either way, his logic was sound. If the employee chooses to smoke marijuana on his own time, what difference should that make to the employer, as long as the employee comes to work sober. On the surface I see where he is coming from. However, when you look a bit deeper, this presents a fundamental problem and this is where we hit an impasse.

My friend thinks that the employer being allowed to drug test is an invasion of privacy and prevents the employee from living his life. My argument was that the employer tells the employee before employment ever begins that drug tests are a part of employment and that failing one will result in termination. The employee willingly submits to these conditions and thus a contract is made. If that employee is tested and shows positive, he has broken the contract and the prescribed remedy, termination, is enforced. It is all willingly agreed upon up front. That employer is not  preventing  the employee from doing anything. He is just adding a repercussion. Its all still by choice. The concept of "rights" snuck into the conversation. My friend said, "what about the rights of the employee to have privacy?" I said, " what about the rights of the business owner to operate his business however he wants?" The very nature of voluntary employment is really a means for trade. Workers possess hours, which they exchange with employers for money. It is voluntary. If you dislike the terms of the trade, maintain walkaway power and sell your wares (your hours) elsewhere.

This discussion continued for a while and ended up, as these things tend to do, going around in circles. Finally, however, we touched on a fundamental difference in our way of thinking that I think warrants a mention here. The question arose, "why do businesses exist?" His answer was that businesses exist to serve customers/clients. My answer was that businesses exist to please the shareholders. Most of the time that is by maximizing profits but it is not limited to such. A little sole proprietorship exists according to the will of the proprietor. Maybe it is to make the person money. Maybe it is so the proprietor can make others happy. Whatever the case, when the share holders (single owner or millions of stockholders, it doesn't matter) are no longer "happy", the business is dissolved. In the process of pleasing the shareholders, the workers may have as their mission "to serve customers" or whatever but that mission serves the purpose of maximizing the return on investment of the shareholders (investments can be anything, by the way--money, time, love, whatever).

This fundamental difference is what made it so difficult for my friend and me to reach a conclusion on the previous discussion. According to him a business exists to serve customers so what difference does it make what the workers do as long as the customer gets served. From my perspective, the business ultimately serves the owners so the power is held by the owners and thus they can run the business as they see fit. If it ceases to serve them, they will cease to operate it.

It was truly an enlightening conversation for me. It was an exercise in thought about free enterprise, the concept of "rights" and the very core nature of business in general. I feel like I grew from the conversation. I hope he did as well.

Lunch

Lunch is an amazing thing in business. Lunch gives people an opportunity to connect better than they ever would by sitting in an office. People let their guards down a bit and display habits they can otherwise conceal. So much information is communicated at the lunch table that cannot be communicated elsewhere. You can learn a little bit about the person's tastes (literally), their manners, the way they treat people that serve them and even how they approach unknowns.

When you take someone to lunch and it is already understood that you are paying, what do they order? If they find out you are paying after you get to lunch, do they change their order or demeanor? Are they cautious not to order something somewhat messy? Do they order something complicated, like fajitas? Something spicy? Something boring? Do they order alcohol? Do they order water? Can you tell if they are health conscious? All of these questions speak to the person's tastes and preferences. The answer to these questions will communicate different things to different people. The point is, these are valuable things to watch--and to be aware of. What do these communicate about you if someone is paying attention?

Manners are also very important and absolutely show up at the lunch table. Does the person place the napkin in their lap? Do they eat "continental style" or "American" or with no etiquette at all (Check out the difference here)? Do they rest their elbows on the table? Manners also enter in in the way they converse. Talking with mouths of food, being curt with the waitstaff, interrupting, beginning to eat without everyone at the table, etc.

One other key factor that is very easily overlooked is how you talk to the person or people serving you. This is perhaps the most telling aspect of the lunch. Does the person talk down to the server. Does the person treat the server as an underling? Are they grateful to the server for serving them? How does the person tip (if they are the one tipping)? If you are interviewing for a job, this is a golden opportunity to really blow it.

The last one is something I heard about in my management class. We were studying a famous business leader that always conducted interviews over lunch. One of their tactics was to watch what the person did with the food. Specifically, they watched to see if the person salted the food before tasting it. For this leader this simple action spoke volumes. If they automatically assumed the food needed salt before they tasted the food, would they also automatically assume whatever task they were being assigned would need to be changed before they even "tasted" what was already there? Would this middle manager try to implement changes before even seeing what was already in place?

I think it is pretty cool how something as simple as sharing a meal can tell so much about a person. Its why we take dates out to dinner. Its why churches have meals together. Food brings people together and allows them to relax. If its a business meal, however, pay attention. Remember what you could communicate to an observer.

What do you notice about people during meals? What messages do you pick up on? Have you been accidentally communicating the wrong thing during meals?

Self Employment Fact or Fiction

There is a lot of "common knowledge" things out there about being self-employed. A whole lot of them are absolutely false. I would like to spend a bit of time affirming some and debunking some others.

1) Self employed means you "set your own hours." I could maybe see this for some professions and for some people within those professions. I, however, have NOT found this to be true. Granted, I can schedule stuff whenever I want but I certainly don't set my own hours. I work when my clients want me to work and then some more after that. In my job, I am typically working when others are not. My busiest time of day is lunch and after "work". I know plenty of other people that are self-employed in other lines of work and guess what, they work when there is work to do, not "when they want to."

2) Being self employed means you keep more of what you actually earn. I see the logic in this--you work hard, you bring in the money and you don't have to split it with the employer. You do, however have to split it--a lot of it--with your favorite Uncle. It is surreal the first time you pay in a quarterly tax estimate and you realize just how much goes to the guvment. You never really realize it when you never actually touch it to begin with (i.e. automatically drawn from your paycheck).

3) Being self employed is more risky than a "real job." I love this myth. I had a real job--a real job that allegedly had job security. I got fired. I can't get fired from this job. I could quit. I could get fired by individual clients but I would still have my "job." My job security depends 100% on how well I do it. If I do well, I will never again be unemployed. As long as I do well, I will never have to ask for a raise or promotion. There is real job security in being self employed if you do it well. It's more than self employed, its self sufficient.

4) You are on your own when you are self employed. This could be true but not if you are smart. Almost every profession in the world has some kind of trade association. You would do yourself a huge favor to join that. You would also do yourself a favor to join a networking group of some kind. It can get lonely and kind of depressing to not have at least someone to bounce ideas off of. Surround yourself with good people. People that care about your success, care about you. Get an employee, a good accountant, a networking group or someone that could be your sounding board.

5) You have to have money to start a business or only people that are already rich get to start businesses. Not true. You can definitely do it. You just might have to get creative as to how you start it, how big you are at the beginning, etc. You might not enter the retail store world by opening your first store the size of a super Walmart or something. Start smaller. Stick to something you already know and perhaps you are already doing as a hobby and grow it.

These are just a few. What kinds of things do you believe about being self employed? What have you heard? What are some things you want to know about it? Are you interested in starting a business? Do you dream about being your own boss but don't know how to make the leap?

Setting Expectations

One of the most important things I do in my job is to set realistic expectations. There's nothing worse than having a conversation and accidentally setting an expectation that you cannot meet or exceed. It makes closing a deal very difficult, if not impossible. I find it is better to be completely realistic and set an accurate expectation than it is to say what the other person wants to hear (or, more accurately, what you THINK they want to hear).

Here are some examples of setting wrong expectations and how easy it is to do:

1) prospective seller says to me, "so I hear the market is picking up." I say, "yeah, it is really booming right now. Prices are as much as 25% higher than 3 years ago." That prospect hears, "I can get 25% more than what I paid for this house 3 years ago." This could definitely be an unrealistic expectation. The number I said may be accurate for the market as a whole but not necessarily for his neighborhood. Plus, he could have trashed his house in 3 years but doesn't see that (pigs don't know pigs stink, ya know).

2) Buyer says to me, "Will they take this offer?" I say, "I definitely would if I were in their shoes." Buyer hears, "any normal thinking person would take this offer." Then what if they don't? What if they counter? Automatically the buyer thinks we are dealing with either a jerk or an idiot, both of which could be true but probably are not.

3) I say to my wife, "I only have a little bit of work to do." She hears, "I will be done in 10 minutes and we can go to dinner." An hour later I finish up and she is mad at me for taking too long.

My point is this, words are powerful because they set expectations for your actions. The thing is, people hear your words through a filter that is their own preconceived notion of the discussion topic. Most of the time you are not privy to the past events that set up that filter. Generally the best way to avoid the confusion is to ask more questions and to listen more than you talk. If you do this, you will probably pick up on the filters and set more accurate expectations. This could totally change your business and certainly make your life better. When you figure out some specific methods to do this, let me know and we will write a book together.

Renaissance Man

So, I think I am having a sort of personal renaissance. It started about 2 months ago. So many things have become more clear. It's sort of like when Neo discovered how to manipulate the Matrix. I have discovered/accepted/learned more about myself and my relationships in the past 2 months than probably the previous 10 years combined. So, in no particular order, here are some things I have discovered about myself and my relationships. Hope this helps you get some clarity on your situation in life:

1) It's not a race or competition. I have said this for so long and still didn't believe it. The only person you compete with "at life" is you. Your fears, your insecurities, your pride, your concept of success. Life becomes much less stressful when you realize you are not winning or losing at it--you are living it.

2) I love giving. I mean, I really love giving. It is almost like a drug. I get high on giving. I am not bragging or anything, I just love giving. You might also. Try it. Give like you are not worried about money. Give like you will get paid TO give. Give to people you know and to people you don't know. Accept thanks for it sometimes and do it completely anonymously sometimes. Both are fun in their own ways. I can also give intangible items--like encouragement and praise and smiles. Surprise someone with an "I appreciate you" or a "You have made my life easier by...". It will make you feel good and will absolutely lift someone else up.

3) My spirituality is WAY more complicated than I once believed. It is also WAY simpler than I once believed. Yep, that is right. I love talking about spiritual topics and theories with whomever will discuss with an open mind, an open heart and a desire to learn about themselves and about me. I think I can learn spiritual lessons from pretty much ANYONE.

4) I have some of the best friends in the world. I realized that my friends make me want to be a better person. I have an obligation to them to be the best I can be, to treat my family better than anyone else and to raise my kids to be respectful, productive, caring and generous citizens. My friends deserve my best efforts at friendship. Their kids deserve my kids at their best. It's called community.

5) I have had this rediscovery of my wife. She is AWESOME. I know she has her faults. I certainly have my own. She cares deeply for our family as individuals and also as a unit. She is amazingly devoted to her real friends and to her closest family. I am very different. I have a gazillion friends and don't have a lot of "very close" friends. She keeps a smaller circle of friends but she keeps them much closer. I really see a value in that. She stresses over so much. I have discovered she only does that because she wants so desperately to please me, our kids and her closest friends and family. She wants things to be perfect for them. At first I thought I needed to change this about her and make her more like me and just "go with the flow". That is exactly what I should NOT do. Instead, I need to complement her and balance her out. When it is important to her, I need to make it important to me. When it is only a little important to her, I can help her not stress so much. I can also make an effort to take away some of the menial tasks that stress her out. In addition, I have made a commitment to myself to start treating her like we are still dating. I started writing her love letters again. I tell her when she takes my breath away. I hope she is enjoying the attention.

6) My kids are amazing. I have been carrying around this guilt that I am somehow "missing it" as they grow up. The kicker is that this guilt makes me miss it more because I try to make up for missing it. All my kids want is attention. It could be as simple as sitting with them while playing Wii or reading a book or sitting on the deck while they play or including them in decision making. They just need validation that I love them and care about whats going on in their 6 and 1 year old lives (ok, so perhaps its not that deep yet for Maggie, but it won't take long). So I am keeping them around a little longer. I am pushing myself to finish work early enough to spend time with them in the evening. I am not trying so hard to make up for missed time but instead to just make time. I have also released the guilt. I work--sometimes a lot. I am also a great dad. I said it out loud.

7) Finally, there is business. I think I am starting to get good at being a Realtor. I have had some success, that is for sure. I don't know that I had, or have yet, the full skill set. I am learning every day how to deal with people. I am also gaining a much more clear understanding of what my actual role is in this job. I am not a salesman--unless I need to be. My job is to help people understand and navigate the (in some ways unneccesarily) complex task of buying or selling a home. My job is to listen to their dreams, catch them and then try to help them make their dreams come true. The crazy thing is, it doesn't matter who my client is--this model holds true. It could be a bank having me list a foreclosure--the person I deal with has dreams that I can help with--get this property off the books quickly for the most money. If it is an investor and they are supposed to be "cold" and "business only", they still have dreams and I can still help them accomplish those dreams. I just have to modify the approach and give the right info at the right time. If they are a new family looking for the first place, they have more dreams than they know what do with so I have to help narrow those down and focus a bit. If they are middle aged and are contemplating the possibility of moving aging parents in, there is a completely different set of dreams there and I have to listen for them. The tough part is listening to all the extra stuff and finding the right info to grasp. I'm getting better, but I have a very long way to go before I am an "expert" at this.

As we approach 2013, think about how you can have your own renaissance. What will make you better. What will help you discover more of your potential. Can I help? If I can't, who can? Be a better you.

Life

It's a little surreal seeing pictures of the boardwalk in Atlantic City. I was literally JUST on it not even 2 weeks ago and now it is basically gone. Too bad too, it was pretty cool. Storms never cease to amaze me and terrify me. So much power.

My friends Chris and Manika Logue are going through a rough time right now. Their son Ryan is in the hospital. Ryan is such a cool guy. He has muscular dystrophy but is absolutely not held back by it. He is in a wheelchair and is visibly affected by this disease but his spirit, his mind and his resolve are so strong, so incredibly strong that it is hard to even consider him handicapped. He is a model for the rest of us to follow and I am truly blessed to be even a small part of his life. For the last several days, he has been fighting for his life. He is at Vandy Kid's Hospital (unfortunately he has spent a lot of time there in his short life) and is with some of the best docs in existence. Just yesterday he started showing some really strong signs of improvement. All we can say is praise God and Lord keep helping him improve. Meanwhile, his baby sister also got sick and had to spend time at Vandy. When it rains, it pours, eh Chris and Manika! You know, for a lot of folks, kids like Ryan remind them how blessed they are to be healthy. I look at Ryan in a different way, I am blessed to know people like Ryan. He reminds me just how tough human beings can be. He gives me hope that when I am faced with something terrible, I can dig in and find the strength to fight it. We love you guys so much and admire your strength and courage. I only wish there was a way we could help.

Tonight is Trunk or Treat at church. We are dressing as the Smores family again only this time we are also cooking smores. So we are cannibal smores--ooooohhhhhh scary.

I've hit a small lull in business over the past week or so. I had 13 contracts pending at one point. I am down to 6 right now with another on the way (hopefully).

Weichert Realtors, The Andrews Group will be hosting a trivia night fundraiser for St. Jude's in the next few months. I am emceeing the event and will also be creating the questions. It will be a BLAST and we would love to have you. More details soon.

I will leave you with this discussion: In 6 days we elect the man (in this case) that will be president for the next 4 years. Regardless of who wins, what can you do, personally, to make this country better?

The Best People for My Business

I am discovering that the best supporters of my business are other Realtors that do a lousy job. Seriously, people become giddy when they meet a Realtor that ACTUALLY wants to help them achieve their goals and is COMPETENT enough to do that. I know there are lots of other good Realtors out there but I also know there are a whole bunch of Realtors that either lack the knowledge, the critical thinking or the work ethic to be a truly effective advocate for their clients. Those Realtors help make me look good. Please don't misunderstand, I am not arrogant. I am confident. I know that I do a good job because I WORK at doing a good job. I ask questions, I constantly learn, I dig in and do the work at odd hours because it is what my clients need. Not everyone does that.

I also know that my profession is not the only one where this phenomenon happens. I am sure there are others within your chosen profession that are really good and motivated and there are some that just plain stink at what they have, for whatever reason, chosen to do. I challenge you to be the one that benefits from the lousy colleagues. I tell people pretty often that I don't mind being their second choice if the first one doesn't work out. Probably 50% of the time, I get my shot. The cool thing is that those people are clients for life because they have seen bad service first hand and, most importantly, followed that up with good service.

Please share your experiences with either bad or good service. What makes service either bad or good in your book? Do you share your bad experiences with others? Most importantly, do you share your good experiences with others? If you get great service, you return the favor by talking about the provider and recommending him or her. Don't forget that!!!

The Jesus Fish

So this blog is really one big long question that I hope leads to a discussion. Here is the question and I will follow that with a discussion starter. What is your opinion of people that try to leverage their faith in the marketplace? In other words, what is your reaction to someone that advertises they are a Christian and uses Bible verses, "spiritual talk" (God has blessed me, have a blessed day, etc.) and the like in their advertising, sales pitch or even on their business cards?

I see it fairly often in the real estate business--"use me because I am a Christian and I will act with integrity because I am a Christian" or they have the Jesus fish on their cards or they have a Bible verse on their website--front and center. I also come across people in industries that work alongside Realtors (lenders, inspectors, etc.) that try to leverage their faith into the business transaction somehow.

I am a Christian. I like being a Christian and I am not shy about being a Christian. I will share my faith with anyone willing to listen. That said, I am not going to shove it down your throat and I don't really want you doing the same (or worse) with whatever you choose to believe. Honestly, I am very hesitant to use anyone that feels compelled to advertise their faith in a manner that seems to be directed at attracting business. I would rather find out about their faith by the service provider's actions. If you have to put it on your card or website in order for people to figure it out, are you really living it? When I see that, I instantly think of Pharisees praying on corners and flaunting their faith. Maybe I am too harsh.

Here is the rub though, I know that there are some incredibly strong Christians out there that do this. I feel like, unfortunately they are slighted by being lumped in with the bad apples. Bottom line is, for me (and I can only speak for me), seeing the advertising with Christian symbols, verses, etc. front and center instantly makes me question their motives and instantly makes me suspicious. Maybe I am not strong enough in my own faith. Maybe I am too cynical. I actually count "the Jesus fish" in business as a downside. Don't misunderstand me, I like working with other Christians, I just don't want to work with Pharisees. Show me your faith, don't just tell me you have it.

What do you think? When you hear an advertisement or see it on a business card what is your reaction (if any)? Do you trust someone who puts their faith out there like that? Do you think there are better ways to express and share your faith in the business world? How do you think God wants us to share our faith in the business world? Please share your thoughts.