Community

This is a topic I am pretty passionate about. This blog could even make you feel like I am calling you out. Maybe I am.

I hear so many people gripe about how much the government gives away and how the government gets too involved in private life and over reaches. I don't disagree with the people that gripe about it. My question, however, is this--What are you doing to decrease the perceived need for all this government involvement?

Sometimes the government gets involved in areas of need because no one else will. In other words, some politician sees or hears about something that needs to be addressed and no one is doing it. They adopt it as their little project so they can stick a feather in their own cap and VOILA--more government involvement. Once that occurs, good luck getting them UNinvolved. What if there was nothing for them to stick their nose in because the private citizens were already taking care of business? What if every hungry person, every homeless person, every sick person, every "at-risk" child were already taken care of by churches, community groups, civic organizations, individuals, and private charities? What if every citizen of means was involved in his or her community to the point where the government had no people to "rescue."

I know it is fantasy and a dream world but still, we can start on it. YOU can start on it. Look at how you spend your time. Do you spend any time at all caring for other people besides yourself and your immediate family? Don't misunderstand me, those are obviously the most important people for you to care for. If you don't do at least that, you become a burden. But if you have that down, how much more could you do? I reconnected with a former student that is currently deeply involved in our community. She is working tirelessly with kids and adults in one of the most notorious parts of Smyrna (yes, there are some notorious parts of Smyrna). She saw a need and jumped in to help. She did not see the need and wring her hands wondering when the government was going to take over. Why did she do this? Because it feels good to engage your community and it IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

I challenge you--go find something in your community to get involved with. If you need help, let me know. I can point you in several directions. Give them a few hours a week. I know you are busy and you value time with your kids and all that. Take them with you. They will benefit more than you know. Quit being a spectator and complainer and engage, participate, build your/our community.

Team Edward/Team Jacob

Humans are funny. We like to "pick sides." We like to be on the winning side--unless there's a compelling underdog. This phenomenon transcends gender, age, generation, ethnicity, race and every other category you can think of. It is obvious in the most trivial things and in the life and death situations. And what's even more crazy, we get REALLY passionate about it. We make t-shirts (team Edward or team Jacob), shed tears, make signs (picture every rally, demonstration, etc.), riot (so many big cities after a major sporting event) and even take up arms. Why do we as humans do this?

I think it feels good to belong to something. It is good to be important and it is great to feel "right." It's also fun to be "in the know" and in the "in crowd." So when the Titans win the Super Bowl, I feel great because I've always been a fan and I feel like I am a part of their success (I'm not, by the way). When people join "Team Jacob" they publicly profess their opinions about a wildly successful story line. They proclaim that they would have chosen Jacob over Edward. This frames them as sympathizing with the tragic hero. The lovable underdog (pun intended) that has a seriously messed up problem with love.

Sometimes the side choosing is for a little more of a significant cause, like politics (I know, the significant tag is arguable). We have a passionate opinion about the right way to do something. We look for a leader to represent our opinion and then throw our support behind that leader. And we get pretty dang passionate about it. We forget that the other side is made up of fellow humans who have passionate opinions just like us. We forget that, ultimately, both sides are attempting to do what they feel is "right." We marginalize the human and push the opinion to the forefront. This makes it easy for us to justify our unacceptable actions as just the means to get our "right" point across.

What is my point? Simple, before you get so wrapped up in being right, don't forget that you are human and so is the other side. Be civil. Be compassionate (not just passionate). Be nice! Also, take a moment to think about your opinion. Is it really as important as your pending actions are going to paint it?

Professional Tolerance

First let me say that this blog is not directed at anyone or any specific situation, its just a topic that has been on my mind.

I don't know why people put up with some of the crap that they get from "professionals". It blows my mind sometimes some of the stories I hear. My philosophy is simple, if you hire me to do a job, I am going to ALWAYS try to work as hard for you as I am capable. I consider it a privilege for someone to hire me when there are literally thousands of choices. As a service to my fellow service providers, I have compiled a list of rules to follow. I know many of you won't do this, but at least I am trying to help you help yourselves.

7 Basic rules for excellent customer service:
1) Communicate. Find out how your client likes to communicate and use that medium. Remember that communication is a 2 way street. Just because you are blasting your client with emails, does not mean you are communicating if they never check their email.
2) Don't be afraid of your client. It is never fun to share bad news but it is necessary. If you messed up, own it and come up with a way to move past it. If something happened outside your control, find out why and be ready to explain it. Either way, tell the client!!
3) Be grateful for the business. I look at listings sometimes and I wonder how in the world some Realtors make any money. They are obviously not grateful for the business. If they were, they would do a much better job. Eliminate typos, use a full arsenal of methods (whatever is appropriate for your industry) and NEVER STOP learning how to make yourself better.
4) Remember that you are an employee. Be humble and don't get so full of yourself that you think you are above making mistakes. My clients catch things sometimes that I miss. Its ok to make the mistake, just don't be a jerk about fixing it.
5) Get fulfillment from a job well done. I sit back sometimes and look at the body of work I do for a single client and feel good about it. I know that I have given them my all and that they will benefit from my work. It makes me happy. Find out how to have those moments
6) Do more listening than talking at first. Hear what your client is saying. Listen to their expectations. Tune in to their needs and personalities. It will help you out in the long run.
7) Tell the truth no matter what. I have lost business by telling the truth. I will tell you what your home is worth. Sometimes you don't like what I tell you. I won't lie to you and I will do the research to back up what I say. Other Realtors will tell you what you want to hear just to get a listing. Then they will pressure you to lower the price. That's not right. Of course this practice is common in all fields. In the long run, the liar never wins.

So there they are. If you have some to add, feel free.

Payments and Why, a Two Part Blog

One of my favorite US myths is that you will always have payments, specifically credit card and car payments. I often wonder who started this myth and why it has been perpetuated. I do not have a car payment and I do not have a credit card. I do have some debt but it is 100% tied to real estate. I am not better than anyone else out there. I just decided that I will NOT always have a car payment or credit card payment. I made that decision because it provides freedom.

There are lots of myths out there. I have written about many of them. One surefire way to identify a myth is to look for absolutes--you will always have a car payment. Before you blindly believe things like this, don't be afraid to ask, "why?"

Part 2
"Why?" is a dangerous question for some folks. It challenges the status quo. It makes you stop and think about your actions. It may even make you realize that you don't know why. That means you have been doing something blindly, like sheep. That makes you uncomfortable. I love "why?" If I can't come up with a good reason, then the answer has to be preference or tradition (pretty much). I am ok with those answers if, and only if, you are ok with giving me those as the reasons. If you have thought about it and your requirements are your requirements because of your preference, great. I am for it. If I want whatever it is from you, I have to go with your preference. Whats dangerous, however, is when you tell me to do something, I ask "Why?" and you have no idea. I am not ok with that. That means the action is up for debate or adjustment.

I asked "Why?" all the time growing up and I used to get frustrated with my parents for saying things like "because I said so." That was never good enough for me. Give me a reason. Even if the reason truly is, "no reason, just my preference." I think it is lazy to not give a why. Believe me, I catch myself now saying "because I said so" to my son. I acknowledge that it is laziness.

When folks ask you "why?", don't be offended, don't feel like they are challenging your authority. Perhaps they are building their own basis for understanding and trying to use you as a role model. Most kids build their sense of morality, right and wrong, from their parents. Finding out the motivation for things--the "why?" is an absolutely essential part of this moral code. Not just that you do something but why you do it is very important.

Expectations

So this morning I was contemplating what to write and I thought about expectations. Specifically, the power of expectations and the role expectations play in shaping our culture, our lives, our experiences. You may not ever really give much thought to the idea of expectations but they are always present, shading your every move. 99% of the time they are subconscious, only rising to the surface when they are NOT met. For example, your boss is a jerk. You go to work expecting to be mad at him or her. Guess what, you get mad at him or her. No surprise, you expected it to be that way. But what if the jerk boss surprised you with an encouraging word, a raise, a promotion, a cupcake or something like that. Your expectation would NOT be met and it would certainly shade the experience. Perhaps you would change your opinion of your boss, perhaps you would expect the hammer to fall at some point. Those expectations turned something fairly ordinary into an event shaded with fear, suspicion, elation, contemplation or some other emotion simply because what you expected to happen did not happen. Keep this in mind, we have lots of names for expectations--fear, anxiety, anticipation, restlessness, motivation, etc. Different names, but the same thing tied to differing emotions.

Expectations are super important in my line of work. When I meet with a buyer for the first time it is essential that I find out what their expectations are. See, they may have set their expectations from gathering information from sources like Trulia or Zillow. These sources are notoriously incorrect. They may have set their expectations from a previous experience with another Realtor. I need to find out if that Realtor was competent, a good communicator, etc. They may have set their expectations from the national media. If thats the case, then I have a TON of work to do! Regardless, I have to find out "where they are coming from" in order to best serve them. My goal is always to exceed their expectations, or at least meet them. I never want to fall short. Why? Because expecations color the experience and determine whether or not they will become fans. Most importantly, I am in the service industry. If I didn't meet or exceed my clients' expectations, what did I really even do for them?

So, how do I do this. Number 1, I simply ask them. What do you intend to happen? How much do you intend to spend? What kind of time frame are we dealing with? What information have you already gathered? From where? Have you purchased a home before? Was it a pleasant experience? You get the idea. For sellers, it is basically the same thing, just a little more in depth about the specific home and financial situation.

What other ways do expectations cloud our perceptions? How about in the dating arena? Like it or not our parents' relationship often sets our expectations. Our intake of media sets expectations. Our friends set expectations. Be very careful in relationships to acknowledge where your expectations come from and if they are worthwhile expectations. Often, they are not. They are unrealistic, unhealthy and unattainable. I'm not saying to lower your criteria, but rather to simply look at it from a holistic perspective.

Think about some areas of your life where your expectations hold you back. How about your spiritual life? Are you afraid to go to church because you expect the people there to be judgemental? Totally understandable but unhealthy. What about your job? Just because you never got a promotion does not mean you won't be promoted. BUT, you definitely won't be promoted if you go through your job everyday expecting that the boss hates you.

I would love to hear about how your expectations held you back and you overcame those. I would also challenge you to identify and to challenge the expectations in your life that might be detrimental. Have a great week.

Covenant Marriage Law

I read a story the other day where Alabama is contemplating a "covenant marriage option." Basically, when you get your marriage license in Alabama, you can opt for a "covenant marriage." This option would not allow you to divorce for "irreconcilable differences" or to have a "no-fault divorce." This means that the only way to divorce is to have a very, very good, provable reason. I am intrigued by this proposal.

First, let me say that I believe marriage already IS a covenant. I also believe the government should have very, very little to do with marriages. I know they have intertwined themselves in the process through tax codes and priveleges for couples. I don't think they should. God established marriage as a covenant. There are lots and lots of scriptures that describe His plan for marriage. That said, at its core, all a marriage really is is a promise between two people to be true to each other, love each other, and share a life together. How you interpret the specifics is going to be shaded by your religious (or lack of religious) beliefs. I happen to believe that anything that strays from God's very specific plan is not, in fact, a true "marriage", regardless of what you call it. That said, the government does not have the authority to discriminate. When they started giving incentives for marriage, they opened up a can of worms. That is just my opinion.

So, should there be a law that gives you the option for a marriage that is harder to break? The proponents think it will force people that go for that option to work through the tough times. You can't just end the marriage when it gets tough. What are the risks? What if you opt for the covenant marriage and then discover your spouse had something hidden? You have to prove it in order to get away from them. This means more court cases. At least with a no-fault divorce, the divorce itself is relatively easy (settlement of assets and child custody may not be, but the divorce is). How much more complicated will it be for a covenant marriage to be ended? Perhaps this is a moot point. Perhaps there won't be any covenant marriages broken. I don't know. Perhaps the private investigator business will boom in Alabama!

On the flip side, I applaud Alabama for trying SOMETHING to secure the family. There is overwhelming evidence that both parents at home gives children a tremendous advantage in many areas of development and achievement. That said, if the parents are terrible for each other, still choose to have a kid, raise that kid in a home filled with discord and arguments because the mom can not actually "prove" the husband is lousy, is that really better than a no-fault divorce? I don't know. All I do know is that Alabama is at least trying to strengthen the family. They have at least taken a step to fight for what is good. AND they didn't do it in such a way as to be oppressive. You have the OPTION to get into this agreement. You do not HAVE to do it. It shouldn't cost much, if anything, to implement up front (just may cost after a while with increased court time, unseen as of now). Why not give that option?

Success

How do you measure success? The question can be answered in so many ways and often it depends on the context of the question. For example, I wrote a short blog last week that 34 people read. The whole point of the blog was to inspire some dialogue and hopefully explore the crippling lethargy that I sometimes experience. 34 read it, 0 commented on it. Based on context, the blog was an epic failure. It did not achieve its intended purpose. It was not successful. I earned two awards in the past 2 weeks for hitting arbitrary sales goals and helping a specific number of people. I sold 22 homes last year. In order to "qualify" for these awards, I needed to sell at least 15. Who set that number? What is significant about that number? If I sold 14 homes, am I less successful? What if those 14 homes were $1 million dollars each, I would have made WAY more money than selling the 22 homes I did sell. Then who is successful? One person has the award, the other has a lot more money.
"Society" worships success. There are thousands of books, blogs, videos and other media out there centered on "success." There are movies made about "successful people." Everyone has an idea of what success looks like when they see it but very few can explain what success actually is. This is an important distinction as we strive to be successful people. It is very hard to strive for a goal when your definition is "I'll know it when I see it."

Let's start with the flawed description above. Who do you see as successful? Frequently we see celebrities as successful. They started down a path to be a star and they made it. Now they have gobs of money, live in big houses and are household names. Does that define success? We look at business owners and entrepreneurs that have achieved an independently wealthy status, i.e. they can survive the rest of their lives very comfortably without working. Does that define success? How about the president? There is not a higher elected official in our country. Is that success?

I would suggest that "being successful as a person" is not the same as "having success." Having success is very simple to define--the intended outcome has occurred. In other words, a goal was set, an activity was set in motion (or multiple activities) and the intended consequence was met--I woke up hungry, my goal was to not be hungry, I decided eating would solve the issue, I ate and I was no longer hungry--SUCCESS.

Being successful is not as simple. The real hard part is that you and only you can set the meter that measures success--and many, MANY of us don't know (A) what we truly view as success in life and (B) how to get there. I challenge you to figure out what needs to be in place when you get old in order for you to look back at your life and say, "wow, I was successful." It may involve your children, it may involve your work. It may involve strangers you help. It may involve money and material things. It may involve your giving. Regardless, YOU need to define that goal and ignore what society says is success. You will be much happier that way.