Remember When...

Rob Hartman taught class last night at church and his lesson started with the question, "Reflect back on a time or two when everything just fell into place and felt right, like it just couldn't get any better than this." (ok, that is paraphrased a bit but you get the idea). His overall point was that, regardless of how great that moment was, Heaven will be better--much better. Those moments aren't even appetizers for Heaven because Heaven is that much better. Excellent point and a good way to frame it.

It was fun though to reflect back on some great moments and reminisce a bit. I like doing that from time to time, not because I live in the past but because the past creates the present. You are where you are right now because of events from the past. Some were your fault, some were not. Some were "circumstance", some were very purposeful manipulations of your environment. Some events were gifts from others, some were due to the failures of others. Regardless, all those events shaped you into you, with all your baggage, all your strength, all your wisdom, all your insight, injuries and prejudices.

Here are a few defining moments from my life:

1) My parents moved us from South Texas to Middle TN. 100% not my choice (I was 4) but it absolutely was a defining moment in my life

2) I had the choice to go back to Smyrna Middle with all my friends or to go to Stewartsboro for 8th grade the year it opened. I chose Stewartsboro. I didn't get to take algebra 1 in 8th grade and that affected me in high school but I did develop a relationship with Daniel Chunn. He is still my best friend and his friendship led to many other friendships that have totally shaped my life--including, ultimately who I married.

3) Hanging out with my best group of friends at Camp Meribah in the lobby when we were supposed to be in bed and then raiding the kitchen. That is still one of my all time favorite memories. That and camping with Tater's mom (inside joke).

4) The anti-prom party my junior of high school

5) Going to MTSU--I could have gone to lots of other schools but I stayed around here and went to Middle. I can't imagine how different my life would be right now if I had chosen otherwise.

6) Marrying my wife--Can't imagine life without her.

7) Parties at the Trailer--including Bocce OVER the trailer

8) Kids--I have two amazing kids. I also have some amazing nieces (no nephews yet though!!) and young cousins. They all help shape my life because they add value and perspective that no other adult can.

9) Spiritual decisions. I have made several. I joined a different church from my parents when they did not want me to. Then I kept going to it and was very active in the youth group. Then I turned my back on it in college. Then I was redeemed after nearly losing my life. We have considered leaving a few times (and did once), but we've always come back and now are very faithful members. That church has been good to me in so many ways. I hurt when it hurts. I rejoice when it rejoices. I now work with the college kids at church and they are simply a blessing to my life and my family.

10) Moving to GA and then back to TN--it was an awesome adventure to try a different state and it really made home that much more special.

11) Real Estate--I was a teacher and I got fired because I wanted more time with family (ultimately). I could have sulked and not done anything with that opportunity but instead I re-evaluated everything and decided to go a different way. I am not cut out to be a teacher. I want to be a teacher but I am not built for it. I have supreme respect for those that are because I am not and it is truly a noble profession. I am cut out to do what I do now. I still get to teach but I don't have the same kind of restrictions or the same kind of pushback teachers do. I can fire my clients if they are disrespectful (they never are though). If I had been the type to feel sorry for myself, I never would have been bold enough to try something new.

Remember that life is a process not an event. You have countless moments that make you who you are. If one of those events was unpleasant or painful, don't dwell on it, learn from it. Understand how it shapes you, tempers you, puts your guard up. I do have some regrets and that is ok. The idea of "living with no regrets" is stupid. If you have no regrets, you probably didn't learn anything or you are not being honest with yourself. It is not noble or macho to "have no regrets." It is also not mature or introspective. You make mistakes and you should regret making them. If not, you will likely repeat them. All that said, you should not live in regret. Learn, adjust and move on.

What are some of your defining moments? Maybe even just some nostalgic moments that you love to visit in memories?

Conflict

The following blog is purely my own observation and opinion. I have not done any scientific research or read any scholarly works on the subject. Therefore it is open to discussion, disagreement, your own observation and any anecdotal evidence you may wish to reveal.

We are a nation of conflict avoiders. The vast majority of people will not face a potential conflict. If someone "wrongs" you in some way, you ruminate about it but don't do anything about it. We tend to see conflict as distasteful. If we get bad service at a restaurant, we say nothing or are passive-aggressive about it (this steak was cooked wrong, but that's ok I'm just not going to tip the server that didn't actually cook the food wrong to begin with). We glare at other people arguing in public. We are aghast when someone loudly pleads their case or expresses their disdain. Some even call police when people are just arguing. Parents will often not resolve disagreements in front of kids. We feel it is best to shield them from the fact that mommy and daddy sometimes disagree.

I'm not saying this is, in and of itself, a bad thing. I don't think that conflict is either good or bad. It is, however, inevitable. Conflict happens at every level in nature. Beings disagree with each other. Whether it is territorial, reproductive, religious, or just a disagreement about price, conflict is going to happen. Gosh, sometimes conflict happens within oneself! Why then do we shy away from it?

Obviously conflict is not overly "comfortable" and it is not always pleasant to find yourself in a disagreement. For some, the mere fact that they are not "right" is such a blow to their ego that they are indignant ("wait, you mean I am not the omniscient center of the universe?!?!?!?"). No one has ever taught that person the value of "no." For many, many others they have never been taught how to disagree. They never saw an example of healthy disagreement when they were forming their world view. Perhaps they had an abusive, tyrannical parent. Perhaps they had a single parent that had no one to disagree with. Perhaps their parents were "perfect" and never disagreed (in front of them). Either way, they never got to see two adults settle a disagreement and still maintain a relationship. They fear conflict because healthy resolution is an unknown. Unfortunately, as stated earlier, conflict is inevitable and thus when it arises they handle it poorly. At best they get their feelings hurt, at worst they lash out in a violent way. 

So what do we do? Do we purposely have conflict so we can teach our kids how to deal with it? No, of course not. I suggest we work on it ourselves first and then don't be afraid to talk to our kids about our own success and failure when conflict arises. Kids are more perceptive than we give them credit for. Ask them questions. "Junior, mommy and daddy disagree about what to fix for dinner tonight. Mommy thinks we should have meatloaf because the ground turkey is about to expire. Daddy thinks we should go out to eat because we don't have any veggies to fix with the meatloaf and he is tired. How should we settle this." Let them know it is not a situation of "daddy won the argument." It is more a situation of "the argument got settled and no one lost any blood." Most importantly, once the argument is settled, it is settled. Also, once the argument is settled, the relationship is back to normal. This is key. Kids cannot go through life thinking that a single argument will make me not love you any more. 

Finally, teach them that sometimes things aren't worth arguing over. Have principles, stick to those and otherwise go with the flow. If you love someone, let them "win" sometimes. Decide what is actually important to argue about and then be gentle with it. Don't be a tyrant. You can avoid conflict sometimes by just not being selfish. At the same time, don't be spineless. Be strong and be flexible. 

Again, that's just my 2 cents (well, it may be more like 12 cents, I got to rambling a bit). I would love to see what you think about conflict, our tendency to avoid it and how to teach kids about it. Have a great week.

Nostalgia

Isn't it funny sometimes how people get so excited about the past? My son was on Netflix the other day and I saw the OLD Transformers cartoon on there. I believe I let out a little squeal of delight and insisted he watch that. He only made it through an episode and a half before he said, "Dad, the characters look funny." Then he followed up with "What's that thing?" He pointed to the cassette that popped out of Soundwave's chest. Wow.

Today I was on Facebook and saw that Self, a band from Murfreesboro that I was a HUGE fan of, is playing a "reunion" show in December. I, of course, immediately bought tickets. While purchasing the tickets, I remembered seeing them at Mainstreet a couple of times and anxiously anticipating their second album and all that. It also brought up general memories of high school. Oddly enough, only good memories.

Why do we get so nostalgic? Is it that we gloss over the painful, uncomfortable parts of our own history and only choose to remember the good stuff? Then we want to escape back to a time when life was "simpler"?

Like many of you, I am thankful for my own history. I had a LOT of good stuff happen in my previous 33 years. I also had my fair share of bad stuff. ALL of it shaped who I am right now. I do get nostalgic when some songs come on the radio or I see some old toy. I think it is healthy. It keeps us connected to our own history and thus, our own identity. Embrace nostalgia but don't live in it. The past made you you and you are pretty cool. Even if your kids don't think so. Happy Thanksgiving. Hug the people you love.

What are some things you get nostalgic about? Give specific examples so we can all join in the trip down memory lane.

Success

How do you measure success? The question can be answered in so many ways and often it depends on the context of the question. For example, I wrote a short blog last week that 34 people read. The whole point of the blog was to inspire some dialogue and hopefully explore the crippling lethargy that I sometimes experience. 34 read it, 0 commented on it. Based on context, the blog was an epic failure. It did not achieve its intended purpose. It was not successful. I earned two awards in the past 2 weeks for hitting arbitrary sales goals and helping a specific number of people. I sold 22 homes last year. In order to "qualify" for these awards, I needed to sell at least 15. Who set that number? What is significant about that number? If I sold 14 homes, am I less successful? What if those 14 homes were $1 million dollars each, I would have made WAY more money than selling the 22 homes I did sell. Then who is successful? One person has the award, the other has a lot more money.
"Society" worships success. There are thousands of books, blogs, videos and other media out there centered on "success." There are movies made about "successful people." Everyone has an idea of what success looks like when they see it but very few can explain what success actually is. This is an important distinction as we strive to be successful people. It is very hard to strive for a goal when your definition is "I'll know it when I see it."

Let's start with the flawed description above. Who do you see as successful? Frequently we see celebrities as successful. They started down a path to be a star and they made it. Now they have gobs of money, live in big houses and are household names. Does that define success? We look at business owners and entrepreneurs that have achieved an independently wealthy status, i.e. they can survive the rest of their lives very comfortably without working. Does that define success? How about the president? There is not a higher elected official in our country. Is that success?

I would suggest that "being successful as a person" is not the same as "having success." Having success is very simple to define--the intended outcome has occurred. In other words, a goal was set, an activity was set in motion (or multiple activities) and the intended consequence was met--I woke up hungry, my goal was to not be hungry, I decided eating would solve the issue, I ate and I was no longer hungry--SUCCESS.

Being successful is not as simple. The real hard part is that you and only you can set the meter that measures success--and many, MANY of us don't know (A) what we truly view as success in life and (B) how to get there. I challenge you to figure out what needs to be in place when you get old in order for you to look back at your life and say, "wow, I was successful." It may involve your children, it may involve your work. It may involve strangers you help. It may involve money and material things. It may involve your giving. Regardless, YOU need to define that goal and ignore what society says is success. You will be much happier that way.

Religion

I've always enjoyed a good religious discussion. I find religion to be fascinating. How do people get so incredibly zealous about something they can't see? How do people get to the point where they are willing to kill others or themselves over something they can't empirically prove?  How can people so emphatically deny that there is a being larger than us and insist that humans are the pinnacle of existence? How can GOD evoke such strong reactions whenever he is mentioned in discussion? It truly is fascinating.

I am a Christian. I do believe that God created the Earth and all its contents. I also believe that Jesus was born to a virgin and was sinless. I believe he performed all the miracles (and many more) that are chronicled in the Bible. I believe he was hated then (as he is hated now) by people that refuse his love. I believe he was crucified and was buried only to arise from the dead 3 days later. I believe he was God in the flesh and that he provides atonement for the sins I commit.

All that said, I respect other religions. I respect that they are just as adamant in their convictions as I am. I still disagree with them but I respect them. Where I get tripped up is how to make them all work in the same world. If I am having a discussion with a devout Muslim, we will have a few things that we can agree on and a whole bunch we disagree on. How do we reconcile those differences? Do we need to reconcile those differences or can we coexist with no problem? I don't know the answer to that question. I know the task I am charged with--Go out into the world and make believers or all men. I believe this is an important task and one I should do with gusto. So do other devotees of other religions.

I guess the point of this blog is to open up dialogue about this topic. I struggle with this part of religion. I know some of my friends will say something to the effect of, "well, that is why I don't believe in God" and "the zealots are who drove me out of organized religion". I get that. I really do. I don't think you have to be obnoxious to get your idea across. I think my mission is to present a great example of Christ's love and give the raw materials for someone to form their own faith while providing the instructions if they want them. Any respectful conversation is welcome.

Tales from the Tent

Well, it is finished. We survived and did fairly well. All that is left is to return merchandise and settle up. Last night after clean up we went to O'Charley's and reminisced about some of the more interesting moments. One thing is for sure, doing something like a fireworks tent, you see ALL kinds of people. We had everyone from the lady that needed to put on a small show (she only had $20 to spend) for her daughter because her deadbeat ex-husband got drunk and did not take the 9 year old to the Nashville fireworks as promised to the guy that came in and said "I have $1,000 to spend start putting stuff up at the counter". Below you will find some good stuff. If anyone reading this has some other memory from the tent that I forgot, feel free to type it up in a comment.
Great Stories (in no particular order):
Parker "Freakin" Burgess--So I had Parker Burgess on my "back up" list. I called him on Tuesday to see if he could fill in for someone that called out. He came in on Wednesday and we had our employee of the month. From minute one that kid sold like his life depended on it. Some of his highlights include selling a United We Stand (48 shell mortar) to two guys on BICYCLES!!, upselling someone from 2 boxes of snap pops to a $34.95 multi-pack, and working a marathon shift on his very first day. He also genuinely listened to people and tried really hard to get them stuff that would make them happy.

Dude lighting a Dyno Mighty Mite right at the entrance to the tent-- A Dyno Mighty Mite looks like a small stick of dynamite. It has approximately 15 M-90s in it. Dude comes in, buys one and then he throws it into someone else's car. This car happened to be right in front of the tent (not even 10 feet away). I reached for my pistol and started out the tent after him, he peeled out of the lot before I got to him. Good for him.

The "Drunk Parking Lot"-- For some reason drunkenness leads people to want to park in the mud. We had several people park in the dirt behind the tent instead of making the long 40 foot drive to the paved side of the tent. I already recounted my story about the dude backing into the mud in a 2 wheel drive pickup and getting stuck, only to throw mud on his wife/girlfriend. Tracy had a few drunks park back there too. So, the moral of the story is, if you are drunk and you go to a fireworks tent, park in the mud.

The Bank Robber--One day when me and Michelle were at the tent this older gentleman and his wife pull up in a mid 90s model Lincoln Towncar. He seemed like a very gentle spirit while she was loud and sort of obnoxious (but in a good way). She was definitely the one in charge of this particular transaction so I started talking to her about what they wanted. Meanwhile, the man was chatting up Michelle by the register. The lady and I picked out several items and brought them up. I had noticed that the man was talking to Michelle about God and asking her about her pastor, etc. When I got up to the register he gave me and Michelle each a copy of a book called Held Hostage. He caught me up to speed--he was a bank robber for 12 years and spent time in jail for it. While in jail, a CoC preacher converted him and now he travels the country with his story doing book signings. The cool part is that he said he felt led to our tent to share his story--nothing is accidental he said. It was really cool.

The Gangsters--LATE one night Gary, Dad and I were in the tent. Gary was playing Wii, I was straightening up merchandise and Dad was hanging out. A car pulls up and doesn't pull in. Four thuggish looking guys get out of the car. Three of the four match (black pants, plain white shirts, black hats, gang tatoos) and are very, very quiet (except that one of them asked where they were). The one that didn't match did all the talking. They walked in in a line and very slowly walked around the tent--looking at everything. I did all the talking for us and acted very non-chalant (all the while I had my hand on the handle of my .380). I glanced at dad and he had his thumb looped under his shirt so he could draw his pistol quickly. I also took notice of Gary--who was now sitting down with his hand under a shopping bag (a shopping bag where the resident 9mm laid). I think they noticed our positioning (Gary watching 2/3 of the tent and dad watching the opposite 2/3 while I kept facing them and staying in front--we made a nice little triangle, very defensive position) and decided this was not the tent to rob. The did need an exit strategy so they bought some bottle rockets and snap pops and told us how they were gonna go back to Nashville and "pop off" all their firecrackers. We wished them a good evening and took a very deep sigh of relief. Was it profiling? Absolutely. Were we wrong? Maybe. Most of the cops we have talked to don't think we were wrong.

Coastal Friends--Again, me,Gary and Dad in the tent. Two dudes come up in a customized Suburban. As they get out, we notice that they look somewhat gangster-ish as well. Dad decides to chat them up about some tatoo work (did not look gang-related). Come to find out that one guy is from South Central LA, the other is from NYC. They did not know each other until they met in Nashville, just by chance. Come to find out that they had very similar backgrounds and grew up in very similar neighborhoods--just on opposite sides of the country. Now they are best friends. Oh, and the best part--he had a 600cc GSXR IN the Suburban on its side. We joked about them getting the bike in because both of these guys were pretty big (at least 250 each).

There were so many more great stories. If you ever want to really do some people watching--go to something like our tent. You see the real people. It is so much better than any "reality" TV show.