Who Do You Work For?

So Jonas asked Mommy yesterday, "how many jobs has Dad had?" She asked him how many he thought I'd had and he said 3-- high school teacher, wrestling coach and Realtor. Interestingly, those aren't even the only jobs I've had while he's been alive! In my still relatively short life, I've had a LOT of different jobs. I've helped build houses, mowed yards, worked in restaurants, delivered pizza for 2 different companies, worked in a gas station, interned at the Small Business Development Center, helped open a retail store (stock and set up), washed dishes at the MTSU Grille, was grunt labor in a warehouse, worked in HR, was a shift lead in a warehouse, managed inventory in a warehouse, worked at the Boys and Girls Club, taught at 2 different high schools, coached wrestling, sold fireworks, been officially "unemployed" (and got paid for it), sold real estate and, most importantly, been a daddy and a husband.

So many people hate their jobs. They say "Thank God its Friday" and then "Dear God its Monday." They are miserable and think there is no way out. I've discovered that often, not always, but often, the change you need is you, not necessarily the job. I have found at least something fulfilling and even "fun" in every one of those jobs I listed above. Granted, there were parts of each that I found repulsive, annoying and "quit-worthy", but I can usually find a level of contentment in whatever I do. I think the main reason is that I try to see who I am really working for.  Most people, in their minds, work for their companies. They wake up and say, off to earn XYZ company some more money. Some may decide to work for their bosses (if it is someone they like). This may last a while but even that will fade as the boss loses his or her luster or moves away. A few people will switch their minds a little and work for their own wallets. These folks look at their jobs simply as a way to get money so they can do the things they actually enjoy. They are working for a hobby, a vacation, a new car, to pay off the house, etc. A very few people look at work as service to their family. They wake up and say, time to go earn tomorrow night's dinner for junior and the missus.

It is my opinion that the later two categories are the people that see work as it should be--selling your one true natural resource--your time--to someone else so you can have a different resource to help you achieve your goals. I believe that when you make that slight shift in your thought processes, you can find contentment in almost any job. You can stick around if it isn't fun one day because you are motivated outside of your actual job. If you can't, you have the "gumption" to move on, make yourself better (improve the resource you are selling by gaining more skills--i.e.- make yourself more marketable).

One conundrum sometimes presents itself, however. Sometimes people realize this too late and they have a mess to clear up first. Sometimes, people will put themselves in a position where they can't work for anyone but Visa or Mastercard or Toyota Credit. Those people say, "WOW!! I am stuck in this horrible job because I can't afford to leave. I have to stay here so I can continue to pay for my car, the big screen, the vacation, whatever." You learn who your master is very quickly and, hopefully, take drastic steps to right the ship. Buy your way out of that position so you can work for someone you want to work for--your family, yourself, whatever, just NOT for the Creditors!!

Please understand, this is not an "anti-debt" blog entry. This is a self awareness blog. Figure out who you are working for. Some of you may not get "paid" in the traditional sense (stay at home mom or dad, volunteer). You still work. Who do you work for? Identify who you work for and it will hopefully change your entire outlook on things. For me, it gives me a sense of purpose, almost ministry. Here is my list of "employers":

1) I work for God. I try to include him in everything I do so that the love he has given me will be poured out on the people I come in contact with. I am richly blessed and I want to be a blessing on my community, on other people, on my clients, on my church, etc.
2) My family--I work so they are comfortable, safe and without worry
3) My clients--I work for them so they can make their lives better--whether it is by selling a home that they have outgrown, buying a first home so they can start to feel that security that comes with "home" or relocating here for a better life.
4) I work for my community--Homes comprise the community. Families make up the community. Thus, my job directly impacts the community. I want to help the community. I try to give back to my community whenever possible.
5) I work for my reputation--I try to always act with integrity so as not to mess up any of the other 4 above.
6) I work to afford the things I want to do.

Give it some thought. Who do you work for?

Traditions

This is the very first guest post for www.harmonworksharder.com by none other than the beautiful Cynthia W. Harmon, Realtor Supreme with Weichert Realtors the Andrews Group.  She is also Banker extroidinaire at US Bank in the Smyrna Publix on Sam Ridley Parkway and an amazing Wife and Mother to 2 charming children...(yes, i wrote that intro myself...how did you like it?) 

We are Harmon’s, and we can have Easter any time we want!" Sound familiar to your family? Being blessed to have all our grandparents still living when we started dating, Jonathan and I had 4 different family gatherings to make it to on Easter Sunday in the year 2000. After that very stressful Sunday with really full bellies, we decided some adjustments had to be made, and we started some new holiday traditions. For example, the Waldron’s (My father's side of the family) have Thanksgiving the second Saturday in November. It's a little strange to my boss when I ask off work for Thanksgiving on that Saturday; I just tell her "We are Waldron’s, and we can have Thanksgiving any time we want!" That opens up the 4th weekend in November for Jonathan's side of the family on Turkey Day, Shopping on Friday, and the Duggin’s (my mom's side of the family) on Saturday. In addition to celebrating Thanksgiving on the 2nd Saturday in November, the Waldron's also celebrate Independence Day somewhere around the 14th of July, which happens to be Bastile Day (French Independence Day) as well as Jonathan's birthday. Perhaps this tradition started because we are frugal (it's okay to read that as *cheap, we don't mind) and want to save money on fireworks and watermelon, or maybe it started because we just couldn't all get together around the 4th of July. Either way, I still get the strange look from my boss when I request off work for Bastille Day; but isn't life all about having fun and making some great memories? What strange or fun traditions do you have with your family?

No is a very difficult word. I have a hard time hearing it but I have a harder time saying it. I end up overloading my schedule/life because I can't seem to use this tiny, one syllable, two letter word. Part of it is that I want to please people. Part of it is I don't want to "miss out on something." Both are terrible excuses.

Think about this from a basic economic principle, every decision has trade-offs. When you choose to do one thing with your resource (time, money, brainpower, etc.), it is impossible to do something else with that exact resource. How you allocate your resources is called budgeting. This principle is so very important when you are a dad with a very demanding job. Every minute I choose to work is a minute I don't spend with my kids, my wife, my friends. This is ok if I am aware of it and make those decisions consciously. The problems arise when work becomes a compulsion or when I am addicted to "yes." The issue is further complicated by extra activities--church, friends, other family, hobbies, Facebook, etc. Every time I choose those items, I DON'T choose the rest of them. Prioritization is essential. Inability to say "no" is devastating.

How do you say no? How do you prioritize? Are there some tricks you can share to make this easier?

Overbooking ourselves

I am an overbooker. I will pretty much always try to cram more in a span of time than I could possibly actually accomplish. It is not necessarily in any given time frame, just in general. For example, right now I have 10 active listings, 5 pending contracts, an 8 month old, a 5 year old that WANTS to be with me, a wife that wants me around AND a fireworks tent that is very demanding of my time and attention. I am also trying to get one of my houses rented out. To say that I am busy is an understatement. I was busy before the fireworks tent. Why do I do this? One reason is that I enjoy it. I enjoy the activity and the people. The other reason is that I have a hard time turning down "opportunity".

The problem is that I forget to pay attention to the opportunities that don't ask, they just exist--like my 5 year old. I forget that he is only 5 once and he only loves his daddy like a 5 year old once. Soon he will think I am old and out of touch and know nothing. Soon he will only love me for my keys and wallet. Now he loves me just because I am his dad and his ultimate super hero. I have to make time for him and for my wife and my daughter. Everything else is a waste if I squander these "ever present" opportunities.

What's my point other than the self-guilt trip? Don't overbook yourself on things that don't matter in the end. Make it a priority to include those that matter the most in your plans. And finally, do as I say, not as I do. I am guilty of taking my family for granted in the name of "I have to work" but I am trying to do better.

Covenant Marriage Law

I read a story the other day where Alabama is contemplating a "covenant marriage option." Basically, when you get your marriage license in Alabama, you can opt for a "covenant marriage." This option would not allow you to divorce for "irreconcilable differences" or to have a "no-fault divorce." This means that the only way to divorce is to have a very, very good, provable reason. I am intrigued by this proposal.

First, let me say that I believe marriage already IS a covenant. I also believe the government should have very, very little to do with marriages. I know they have intertwined themselves in the process through tax codes and priveleges for couples. I don't think they should. God established marriage as a covenant. There are lots and lots of scriptures that describe His plan for marriage. That said, at its core, all a marriage really is is a promise between two people to be true to each other, love each other, and share a life together. How you interpret the specifics is going to be shaded by your religious (or lack of religious) beliefs. I happen to believe that anything that strays from God's very specific plan is not, in fact, a true "marriage", regardless of what you call it. That said, the government does not have the authority to discriminate. When they started giving incentives for marriage, they opened up a can of worms. That is just my opinion.

So, should there be a law that gives you the option for a marriage that is harder to break? The proponents think it will force people that go for that option to work through the tough times. You can't just end the marriage when it gets tough. What are the risks? What if you opt for the covenant marriage and then discover your spouse had something hidden? You have to prove it in order to get away from them. This means more court cases. At least with a no-fault divorce, the divorce itself is relatively easy (settlement of assets and child custody may not be, but the divorce is). How much more complicated will it be for a covenant marriage to be ended? Perhaps this is a moot point. Perhaps there won't be any covenant marriages broken. I don't know. Perhaps the private investigator business will boom in Alabama!

On the flip side, I applaud Alabama for trying SOMETHING to secure the family. There is overwhelming evidence that both parents at home gives children a tremendous advantage in many areas of development and achievement. That said, if the parents are terrible for each other, still choose to have a kid, raise that kid in a home filled with discord and arguments because the mom can not actually "prove" the husband is lousy, is that really better than a no-fault divorce? I don't know. All I do know is that Alabama is at least trying to strengthen the family. They have at least taken a step to fight for what is good. AND they didn't do it in such a way as to be oppressive. You have the OPTION to get into this agreement. You do not HAVE to do it. It shouldn't cost much, if anything, to implement up front (just may cost after a while with increased court time, unseen as of now). Why not give that option?

The Lie: Marriage and Family is Not Terribly Valuable

SOOO much pop culture attacks the traditional family. Songs decry living at home and celebrate dysfunction. Modern sitcoms celebrate philandering and the lack of stable relationships. I can't think of one show that I have seen in the past 4-5 years that portrays a traditional nuclear family with a man and woman that have been married to each other only and have children that are biologically both of theirs. I do understand that this "Leave it to Beaver" family is quickly dying and being replaced with steps and halves and other arrangements. TV merely reflects the society to which it is selling. I wonder, though, if the cause and effect is the other way around. How much of the erosion of the family is because of the media?
Before you get bent out of shape, I am NOT saying that the non-traditional family is wrong. I am simply saying that 50 years ago, the traditional family was a man and woman getting married to each other for the first time and staying together and having some kids. Thats how it became the "traditional family". I do see value in this situation. I do think that if it is possible, it is healthier and definitely simpler to have the "traditional family." I know it cuts down on drama!

My question is, why do people stray from, destroy, mess up, choose otherwise from the tradition? One possible answer is that they see the traditional family life as boring and unfulfilling--they are told by society, media, etc. that there is more--more excitement, more "life to live", more partners to have, more places to go, etc. than a traditional family can afford you. This is a lie.

I also know there is an all out assault on anything that even resembles a "normal" family in the media. Shows like Seinfeld, How I Met Your Mother, Friends and Two and a Half Men glorify the single, philandering life and even put down the family life.  These characters are viewed daily as having such a cool life with a new conquest every episode and all manner of dysfunction. Teenagers see these and long for the same. There is no balance in the media either. Even the shows that have two parents frequently make the male character into a doofus. There are virtually no male "father" characters in shows that are intelligent, strong and good fathers. Why? Why do we allow this? Why do we support this? Why is this entertaining?

I don't have the answer. I just have some suggestions.

1. Value the family yourself. It is noble, fulfilling and even fun
2. Value the moments your family gives you. I am guilty here. I get wrapped up in work and ignore my family from time to time. I do this with the excuse that I am earning a living for them. Its just an excuse. Jonas will only be 5 for 365 days. I need to treasure those days. 
3. This one is hard. TRY to choose your mate wisely. DON'T select them based on superficial things. Really consider that person as your partner for the REST of your life.
4. WORK on your relationship. There is no such thing as a fairytale relationship that magically happens one day and is happily ever after for all of eternity with no real effort. If you think you are the exception to the above statement, you are wrong. ALL marriages, ALL relationships need effort and willingness to work together on the problems that arise. If your partner disagrees, you should not choose that person. No life time successful marriage "just happens." They all require maintenance.
5. If you do choose poorly and you know it, don't have kids with that person!

Seriously, put value on stability. Have fun with your family. Show your kids that the family life is good. Reject the idea that marriage is casual and fluid. Build marriages that last forever and teach your kids that those relationsips are precious and good and worth the effort. If you find yourself in a "non-traditional" situation, still teach your kids that marriage is good and should be one time in your life with one person. Be open about the mistakes that led to your situation (when appropriate, of course). Finally, men, be strong, loving fathers. Don't be the doofi (Latin plural for doofus) that the media portrays and most importantly, BE PRESENT.

I know this blog has potential to stir up some conversation. I welcome that. Please do recognize that I speak in generalities and I know that every single situation is unique. I am not pointing fingers, I am just sharing my ideals.