Quotes--Daniel Quinn

I am going to periodically share a quote and solicit your input on the quote. Some of the quotes will be widely known, some will not. Some will be funny and inspire thought, some may make you angry. Whatever the case may be, this will only be fun if you share your thoughts.

“Thinkers aren't limited by what they know, because they can always increase what they know. Rather they're limited by what puzzles them, because there's no way to become curious about something that doesn't puzzle you.” 
― Daniel Quinn, My Ishmael

One of my favorite authors. I've only read two of his books but those two books changed the way I look at almost everything. They challenged me in ways I did not want to be challenged but am very grateful that I was. I like this quote because it challenges the idea of thinkers being people that acquire knowledge. This quote says, and I agree, that anyone can be a thinker if they stay curious about things and seek knowledge in order to solve their own personal questions. In other words, its ok to NOT know something if your lack of knowledge prompts action to rectify the situation. 

Conventional Wisdom

I have been leading a series of discussions on Wednesday nights with the college kids about "conventional wisdom" type sayings and their validity. Specifically we have been looking at those sayings through the lens of scripture and seeing if they are fact or crap. It has been some good discussion of late.

Our topics have included:
"God will never give you more than you can handle"
"Everything happens for a reason"
"He's in a better place now" (after someone dies)

The main point of doing these discussions is to get the college students to challenge "conventional wisdom". Sometimes that which is commonly accepted is a bigger pile of manure than we might think. In other words, just because "everyone" believes it, doesn't make it true.

If you are a Christian, I challenge you to do a little digging into these commonly accepted tenets. You might be surprised at how easy it is to provide a valid challenge to them.

If you are not a Christian and someone delivers one of these "wise" sayings to you, I ask you to be polite and thank them for the encouragement. Often people say things like these because there is nothing else to say. They feel that it would be rude to say nothing, so they fall back on "conventional wisdom" that seems to be profound.

Whether you are a Christian or not, I ask you to consider the words you say to people when THEY are in crisis. What you think could be profound may actually prove to be an annoyance or possibly even offensive (think about "he's in a better place"--a spouse passes away unexpectedly, wasn't sick or anything, maybe a car crash, does the surviving spouse really think that the dead spouse is in a better place than right there with his or her family watching their kids grow up--doubt it).

Hope all is well for you. Would love to hear your thoughts on these sayings and any others that I could maybe use for my class.

Ok, so this is dangerous but...

I love politics and I love religion. I love studying the two topics and digging into the histories, the "whys" and the "hows". I love finding peoples' motivations. I love discussing the two topics in face to face, civilized conversation. I typically do not love writing about the topics in my blog. It is entirely too easy for people to misconstrue what I say because the blog lacks tone and inflection. It is also much easier for someone to say something hurtful because not having a face in front of you allows greater boldness. That said, I do sometimes tread into these topics. This is one of those weeks. I can't help it. This topic has been on my mind since Saturday and since my blog is mostly for my own therapy...

So, this particular blog entry will be dealing with Christianity. Specifically it will be dealing with the "old law" and how it relates to my faith. If this is offensive to you, please stop reading now. If you plan on commenting about how all Christians are hypocrites and stupid to believe in some man in the sky, please refrain. If you plan to say that I am some kind of hate mongering, whatever "-ist", please don't speak to me anymore. I think that covers it. If you choose to disagree with me and would like to comment on why you disagree, that is great. I will read and respond lovingly and civilly. Just keep it on topic.

Thanks and enjoy.

How the "old law" relates to my faith.

On Sunday morning I taught the high school group at church. For the past several weeks we have been looking at 1 Timothy. This week I was assigned to teach on chapter 1, verse 8-whatever I wanted. I stopped with verse 8, "We know that the law is good if one uses it properly." That was the basis of my lesson. I have always wondered about this--If we are Christians, we are under the new covenant created by Jesus and we are no longer bound by the law. If that is the case, why is it still in the Bible? I did some research online and found a really great lesson outline on this topic. In this outline, the author said that the old law serves as a "mirror of perfection" (http://www.rondaniel.com/library/54-1Timothy/1Timothy0108.html) and that its sole purpose in New Testament Christianity is to remind us of how much we fall short. In other words, it is there to go right against the mindset of "I am a good person and God is love anyway." God is love, but he is also perfect and his laws are perfect and unchanging. What changed is the opportunity we have for atonement.

Basically, the old law (as found in Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy are there to remind us that we are nowhere near perfect and thus need a savior. In other words, the law leads us to Christ. A person cannot know they need directions unless they know they are lost. A person cannot desire to escape unless they know they are trapped. You can't ask for a pardon unless you know you are guilty. You can't need a savior until you know you have sin.

This mindset has massive implications in pop culture. One of popular things to do is to use the "absurdity" of the old testament law to justify modern pet sins. The beauty is that we are NOT under that law. It is still perfect and so is God but since Christ fulfilled it, he is sufficient and we are free from it. That said, it still convicts us. It still is the perfect plan that we fall short of, thus the reason we NEED Christ. The next popular thing to do is to present Christianity in an "incomplete" light. So many Christians present Christianity as "a better way to live" and that the Christian life is just plain better. I am here to say that sometimes that is 100% false. Sometimes it is harder. Sometimes it flat out stinks. If we evangelize just based on Christianity being easier or better, we have fallen short and we will lose new Christians. We have to use some of the old tactics. In other words, "here is God's standard of perfection. You fall short (and I do to) because you are a sinner. All sinners go to Hell unless they are forgiven by Christ." In the meantime, I believe that the Christian life may not be easier or more fun, but it is more fulfilling and it does provide comfort in ways that no other "way of life" can. It also gives purpose to events that are otherwise meaningless. AND I have a huge family that loves me because I am me and He is God. That is the power of the old testament law. It completes the purpose of Christianity--better way to live, best way to exit the world.

My point is simple. Christians, do not discredit the old law. It serves a powerful purpose for us NOW. It is God's standard of perfection. It is what convicts us. It does show us just how profoundly lost we are and how much we NEED Christ.

Other verses to check out:
Galatians 3:24-25
Romans 3:20
Romans 7:7
Psalm 19:7

Since I am on the subject anyway, I want to vent another religious pet peeve of mine. It bugs me to no end when people say "don't judge me" because of the way they act. They say this in such a way as to insinuate that God does not want people on Earth to make judgement calls as to what appropriate behavior is. This is so not true. God's command on not judging is for us not to look at someone and say to them that the act they committed is sending them to Hell. He absolutely wants us to use judgement and to judge people. He wants us to warn our fellow humans that the body of acts they commit are contrary to his law. He wants us to recognize sin in ourselves and in others and warn them to repent and to repent ourselves. We cannot make the "final call" so to speak but we sure can, and have been commanded to, tell others that they are sinners and need a savior. That said, there is a tactful and loving way to do this and, though I don't think we are commanded to be tactful about it, it makes sense to approach the subject when we are in a position to do it lovingly. I'm just tired of people putting earthly filters on God's commands.

The Lie--Music and Media Have No Lasting Effect on Me

I love music. I love all kinds of music. I love country, rock, hip hop, rap, oldies, classic rock, bluegrass, classical, and everything in between. I do NOT love all the songs within each genre. There are some that have some redeeming qualities and some that are just plain bad (talent wise) or vile (content wise). I would like to see us (all of us) be a little more conscientious about our consumption of media.

I always like to ask the youth that I work with about their media consumption. What kind of music they listen to, what shows they watch, who their favorite artists are, what books they are reading or have read recently. I believe that the media we take in shapes the words we put out--even if it is only barely noticeable. My favorite thing is when a young person, when presented with the question "why do you listen to that garbage", responds with "I don't listen to the words, I just like the beats." I usually then proceed to askt hem questions about the song and ask them to "hum a few bars." 100% of the time, if they are honest, they have a good portion of the lyrics embedded in their minds. It will almost always come out in their language also. If you never take bad words in, there is no way you can spit them back out.

Understand that I like all kinds of music. I listen to all kinds of music. I even listen to some music that is "not good for me". I really do like the beats. The difference is, I KNOW that those words and thoughts are being preached at me in a really catchy sermon of beats and words. I am a conscious consumer. I am not someone that says that an 18 year old should completely hide from the world he or she lives in. I would also say that it is a parent's job to know what their kids listen to and to shield them as much as possible. It is important to listen to the stuff your kids listen to so YOU can be a conscious consumer for your kids and help them develop the skills necessary to be that conscious consumer themselves.

This goes both ways, by the way. A lot of parents believe that if their kids listen only to certain types of music, there is no problem. For example, if a song mentions God, it is probably ok to consume. This is so very dangerous. Kids like to dig into the music and the artists. Here is an example of why this can be dangerous. The band Evanesence did a song called "Bring Me To Life." It is a really good song. If you listen on the surface, and even if you dig into the lyrics, it can easily be passed off as a Christian song. In fact, when it first came out, CCM radio stations played it and Christian bookstores sold it. After the song got popular and sold a ton of albums, band members said things like "Can we get over the whole Christian music thing. It is so lame." and "What the f*** are we doing there" in reference to being on the Christian music charts.

The take away from this blog is this, be aware of what goes into your brain. Don't assume that if it is on the radio it is ok. Also don't mindlessly consume media and expect it NOT to affect you. Music and television and movies change you. They add vocabulary to your arsenal, the beats get stuck in your head (I call that an earworm), the ideas cause you to pause and think. Over time, your whole personality is shaped by the media you consume. Just be aware of it and make sure you like the person you become.

The Lie--Discipline Will Damage a Kid

Ok parents, this one is for you. This lie is not overtly spoken in our culture. It is more of a lie that is OBVIOUSLY present when I interact with or see you and your kids in public. I don't know if all of the perpetrators of this lie believe it exactly as I have written it, but there is SOME reason they don't discipline their children. I don't know if they think they will damage the kid or if they think it is better to spoil the child or if they are too tired or lazy to discipline or if they are purposely creating kids with no discipline as a means of retaliating against a society they feel has given them a raw deal. Either way, I would challenge that parent by saying that discipline of your children is actually HOW you love them and not disciplining them is actually hurting them and may even be a form of neglect.

The first time your kid throws a fit in the cereal aisle because he or she wants the super sugar fruity yum yums, that child is testing your reaction. If you bend to their will because you don't want to make a scene, they won. They now know that anytime they want something (and they will ALWAYS want something), they just have to make enough of a scene to make you cave in. This habit will stick with them for a very long time. This will be crippling to them later in life. Children crave discipline and order and routine. They are still trying to figure out how things work. As babies, they cried, you fed them (or changed them, or rocked them or burped them). As kids, they will try the same tactics because they think it will work. It is our job as parents to help them grow past this stage.

Kids are not pleasure delay-ers. They want something and they want it now. One vital skill that parents should teach is that life does not always bend in your direction. If you want something, you have to plan for it, save for it, budget for it. NOT doing so leads to overspending, debt and financial hardship. Many adults would have greatly benefited from this lesson early in life (including me). This is where my theory that discipline is a form of love comes in. As a parent, I want my child to be happy, healthy and successful. I see my most important job (after being a strong Christian and a great husband) to be raising my kids with integrity, work ethic, compassion, and discipline. That discipline is what will get them through their studies when they would rather party. That discipline is what will give them the strength to turn down the drugs when someone offers them (and someone will). That discipline is what will help them excel at whatever extra pursuits they choose (music, athletics, academics, etc.). That discipline is what will allow them to focus at their work and excel there. It is essential. God views discipline as a form of love. He disciplines his followers when they don't obey (look at the Israelites). Discipline in the Bible is what sharpens God's people to be better Christians. Not giving them the discipline, is, therefore, neglect.

So what kind of discipline am I talking about.
NUMBER 1 is the word "NO." Kids MUST hear the word "no". They absolutely must not get everything their heart desires. I don't care how rich you are. You must not give your kid everything--period. Being able to deal with "No" is the hardest lesson to learn. It is also the most important. Kids that never hear "No" do not deal with rejection in relationships well. They will, at some point in their lives, be turned down. If you want to make that first rejection absolutely devastating, never tell your kid no.
NUMBER 2 is teach your kid to prioritize and to make "either/or" choices. Life is full of trade offs. I can either go here or here, not both. I can either have the Super Sugar Fruity Yum Yums or the pack of Tic Tacs. Not both. Learning to make a choice and stick with it very early (like 1 year old) is so important. They learn to be decisive. They learn to be who they are. They learn to prioritize. They, by the nature of choice, learn "NO".
NUMBER 3 is to have REAL consequences for bad choices. Jonas has learned real early that life is nothing but a series of choices. Sometimes he makes good choices, sometimes he makes bad choices. Good choices are pleasurable. Bad choices have unpleasurable repercussions. If he jumps off something too high, it hurts--bad choice. If I tell him not to do something and he does it, he gets spanked. It hurts--bad choice. One time he tore a book at the baby sitter's house. He had been saving his little commission for many weeks so he could go to Toys R Us and pick something out. He had to spend all of his money on a new book. It hurt that he could not get what he wanted--bad choice. He has thrown a fit in the middle of restaurants. He knows that the result of a fit is a spanking--period. In the middle of dinner, he throws a fit, I take him immediately to the restroom and give him the consequence of his bad choice. I tell him that I am not giving him the spanking, he chose the action that led to it.
NUMBER 4 is to model the discipline. This can't be left out. If you don't act with discipline, how in the world can you expect them to. If you don't want them to cuss, then YOU shouldn't cuss. If you don't want them to throw fits when they don't get what they want, then YOU can't throw fits if you don't get what you want.
NUMBER 5--and this is probably the most important part to counter the lie--You MUST reassure them that no matter what, no matter what they do, you still love them. I know my discipline does not damage my child because I know that they know that I love them. I tell him every single day, several times a day, that he is important, he is smart, he is good, and I love him. After I discipline him, I ask him to tell my why he got in trouble and then I spend a good bit of time hugging him and telling him I love him no matter what. This reinforces the idea that discipline is love. I tell him that his actions have consequences but those consequences will never be that I don't love him.

Listen, I am not the worlds greatest dad. I'm probably not even in the top 100 greatest dads. But, I love my kids. I want them to be productive, contributing members of society and I am trying to equip them with the core principles to help them succeed at whatever they choose. Will they always be successful, no. I actually pray that every now and then (rarely), they fall on their face. It builds character and makes the successes that much more sweet. This ability to succeed starts with discipline. Don't be afraid to do it. Your kids will thank you for it later. I know I am thankful for my parents having the guts and the intestinal fortitude to discipline me.

One last thing, I DO NOT think that spanking is the only, or even the best, form of discipline. You have to figure out what works for your kids with each situation. For example, grounding Jonas from the TV or IPad sometimes works MUCH better than spanking because he is reminded of it every single time he wants to watch something. Other times, spanking is the better choice. Some people don't spank. Ok, fine. They still MUST discipline and it MUST be meaningful to the kid.

The Lie: Fathers are not important if a strong mother is present...

Ok, this one could get a little dicey. Remember the rules--debate and discuss but do not belittle or swear or be mean to each other. Let's start by saying this, I am pointing the above statement out as a lie in the general sense. There are DEFINITELY exceptions to the rule. Those exceptions (the minority) are most likely what caused the lie to be propagated. That said, if you are an exception to the rule, then I applaud you. Even so, there is overwhelming evidence that it is a lie to think that an active father (papa, dad or daddy) is not important.  Oh yeah, I do tend to write in a sort of stream of consciousness style. It all makes sense to me though.

Let's start with how I know this is a pervasive thought. Turn on any modern sitcom that features a father figure. There is a really good chance that the father is the comic relief in the show. He is portrayed as insensitive, bumbling, weak and a buffoon. I can not think of one show in over 10 years where there was a strong, intelligent, active, true father figure. Now think of the modern women's movement. There are countless shirts, pinterest sayings, facebook posts, etc that espouse the virtues of kicking out the dad and going with mom only. Let me stop here and say that, unfortunately, the lion's share of the blame rides on the so called "fathers." I know that. I know that many, many, many males in our culture are deadbeats. They create a child and then squander their opportunity to be a father. I also know there are many that are or become abusive--whether it is chemically induced or some latent defect in that male's upbringing finally coming to the surface. My blog is not meant to chastise the moms for protecting themselves and their families. My intent is to try to discuss why it is important for a good father to be present instead of bowing to the cultural viewpoint that says, "well he was an idiot, oh well, dads aren't that important anyway."

I understand that this is a common direction to take if your dad/husband/father of your child ditches you. It is normal to say that it is their loss and they don't really matter. It is a defense mechanism to try to talk you out of any guilt, depression, fear, etc.

Now, I would of course adopt the view that you should never create the baby outside of a strong marriage covenant relationship. The most important things a child gains from its parents is the model of relationship. The child needs to see healthy spousal interaction, healthy conflict resolution (yes, healthy spouses still disagree), healthy relationships with friends and healthy leadership out of the father. I do realize that babies are created outside of these relationships. So, if you help create a baby, it is your responsibility to care for that child. It is your responsibility to provide direction, support and love for that child. The child needs you, no matter what the mom says, the child needs you. You have a different viewpoint from the mother. You provide balance in that child's life.

My parents are still married to each other. They got married at 19 years old and have been married for 32 years now. When they married each other, they made a covenant and have not broken it. I believe I am who I am now because of this. I learned from my father how to be a husband, how to be a father, how to be a man. WAY too many kids grow up without these lessons. Was he perfect--far from it. Am I perfect--far from it. Did he do things I swore I would never do--of course. Part of the lesson was to see how not to do things. Its a constant evolution. That said, he was present, supportive, and loved my mom. Those are the most important things. Those are what I am imploring my fellow males to become--men.

Here are just a very few statistics (collected on innocentdads.org) to drive my point home:

1) 43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census] 2) 90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
3) 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behaviour, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]
4) 71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]
5) 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]
6) 85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]
7) 90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]
8) 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]
9) 75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows f for all God’s Children]
10) 70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father. [US Department of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988]
11) 85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]
12) Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]

If these don't speak to you, I don't know what will. Dads, do whatever you can to be present in your child's life. Moms, allow the dad to be present. If this is just not possible, purposely find a positive male figure for your child--grandfather, uncle, youth minister, someone that can show the child that not every man is a buffoon. EVERYONE--think before you create that child. Don't do it if you aren't serious about being with each other for the rest of your lives. Marriage and parenting is HARD WORK. It is NOT something to be taken lightly. It is NOT something for the frivolous and flighty. Remember what is at stake--read these statistics again.