Death Disclosure

So, sometimes I do dumb things. Sometimes I forget that I should sleep. Netflix can certainly be the enemy of sleep. I don't watch a lot of TV. I only "keep up" with one show, The Walking Dead. Well, Netflix has entire seasons at a time of shows. This is really bad for me as I have no self control if a show is good. I once watched all of Firefly, including the movie, Serenity, in two nights. Bad part is, I didn't start until around 10PM each night. Last night was one of those nights. 

I started watching American Horror Story. I got through the 7th episode. What a creepy, somewhat scary, fun show! Cool part is that (at least for now) it relates back to real estate! The family (whose last name happens to be Harmon) buys a house in California and the agent discloses a murder/suicide that occurred in the home. She conveniently leaves out the other countless deaths that have taken place in the home. In the show the buyers threaten to sue her and want her to re-list. In reality, it may be more complicated than that.

The house in American Horror Story

In the state of TN, sellers are NOT obligated to disclose deaths. In the state of California, deaths have to be disclosed if they occurred within the past 3 years, UNLESS that death was due to AIDS (because it is considered a disability). That said, neighbors talk (as they did in this show) and "infamous" deaths can certainly be an adverse fact affecting value. So, just because you don't have to disclose, buyers certainly would want you to. It can be a touchy subject for a real estate agent, especially the sellers' agent who wouldn't want to disclose anything they are not obligated to disclose if it runs the risk of killing the deal. 

My advice to home buyers, type the address into Google. Most articles site addresses. Also, if you are concerned about it, ask the neighbors. They always know. Plus, if it is a much older home (older than the 1950s), there is a decent chance that someone did die in the home. If it is a really old home (1800s), you can almost count on it. People died at home, not in a hospital. 

What do you think? If you bought a "haunted house" or one with many deaths in it, would you be creeped out? What about a suicide or murder? If you knew that before you bought, would you still buy? What if it was an "infamous" death, a "high profile" case?

Don't Hold Back

Last week I wrote about a near death experience and how that made me pause to think about a lot of stuff. How do I treat those closest to me? Do I spend "enough" time with them? Is there ever "enough" time? Does my wife know I love her? Do my kids know that I love them no matter what? Do my friends know I love them? All very good questions for us to visit every so often. Hopefully it won't take a near death experience for you to think about these things. Hopefully, my near death experience is sufficient fodder for you to pause and reflect on life questions. That said, I want to share with you some of the thoughts I've had since then...

• I want my daughter to marry someone that writes her love letters AFTER they are married. I stole this idea from Jon Acuff. He is writing love letters to his wife this year as a sort of "love dare" type project.
• I want my son to marry someone that is worthy of him writing love letters to after they are married. I want both of my kids to be patient, insightful, wise, faithful and trusting in God's plan when they choose their marriage covenant partner. I want them to understand what a covenant is and that it is not a temporary arrangement.
• I never, ever, ever want my kids to wonder if I still love them. I don't even want this to be a possibility for them to think this. I want it to be obvious when I am nice to them, when I am stern with them, when I discipline them, when I am proud of them, when I am disappointed in them. I want all of those scenarios to still reflect my love for them. I know it is possible. My parents did a pretty good job of it and I don't know that they did it on purpose. If I do it on purpose, I should be able to do a great job.
• I want my model of manhood to be worthy of my son's imitation. Kids look to their parents for everything. They look at them to learn how to treat spouses, siblings, strangers. They look to their parents for ideas on politics, social life, drinking, religion and adulthood. Often times they mimic what they see. Sometimes it is consciously, sometimes not (remember Cats in the Cradle--ooohhooohh, still gives me goose bumps thinking about that song). Sometimes you don't even realize they have mimicked you until YEARS later. I want my example, the things Jonas picks up on early in life and the things that don't show up for years and years, to be one I can be proud to pass on.
• I don't want to leave things unsaid or with doubt. I see my kids and wife every day. I have lots of opportunities to tell them and show them I love them. I don't see any one of my friends every day. I don't have/make tons of opportunities for them to know how I feel about them. I don't need to waste a single one. Go ahead and say it. You might not get another chance. It's ok if they think you are sentimental or sappy. They will appreciate it whenever the last time does officially happen.
• You really can't take it with you and you really don't know when you are going to go. I was inches away from dying. If I had over-corrected just a bit more, I would have flipped or run into an embankment. If I hadn't swerved quite as hard or if the drunk hadn't gone on into the ditch, I would be dead. Why horde things? Give freely. Give often. Give unexpectedly. Give lots. Don't worry if they are "taking advantage of you"--that's "their" problem, not yours. You might not get to give it to them later. Christians, 10% is a guideline--it is not a "rate". Don't limit yourself or God's ability and willingness to provide when you provide for others.

I hope these provide some food for thought. Thinking about these things will lead to you DOING something. Doing some of this stuff on PURPOSE will help you make other people have extraordinary lives. Helping other people have extraordinary lives will be rewarding beyond measure.

What are some other ideas that can lead to an action that helps someone else live an extraordinary life?

Near Death Experience

Yesterday I had a near death experience. I was driving on a back country road at about 50 mph when a lady in a full size Chevy pickup comes barrelling around a corner at well over 60 mph. She was fully in my lane. I laid on the horn and swerved hard to the left. She swerved to the left and ran into a ditch. I watched her through the rearview mirror and saw that she nearly flipped at least twice. I stopped, backed up and ran to check on her. She had already exited her vehicle and was running around frantic in the middle of the road. I could smell the alcohol when I got within about 10 feet of her. I was pretty mad at this point. Anyway, the cops came and all that.

After the event was over, the adrenaline subsided and I started thinking about things. What was the last thing I said to my wife, my son, my neighbor? How would those close to me remember me? How would those NOT so close to me remember me? Would they remember me? Do I care if they remember me? Did I do enough to ensure that my son knew for the rest of his life that I loved him? I don't think we fully appreciate how close we are to death at any given moment.

We go to bed, wake up, live a mediocre existence--wash, rinse, repeat. How do I stop that cycle? What am I doing to make my life extraordinary? What am I doing to make someone else's life extraordinary? Can I make life extraordinary without spending a ton of money or travelling to exotic locales?

I wrote a Facebook post the other day about a crossing guard at my son's school. She lives an extraordinary life as a crossing guard. EVERY morning she helps kids get to school and parents get away from school without anyone getting injured. No matter the weather, she has a smile on her face--a real smile--a really big smile. She does her job well and she waves back if you wave to her. If you wave to her, her smile gets even bigger. That is someone living a normal life but making it extraordinary. You can't help it, her smile is infectious and for just a few moments, your life is better because of her.

So again, are you living an extraordinary life? It has nothing to do with circumstances but everything to do with outlook, attitude and choice. You decide if you want to be extraordinary. You decide if you want to make someone else's life better. You decide to make every moment count for something. You decide how others will remember you.

How Old is Too Old?

I've been thinking about this topic a lot lately for some reason. I know this is a touchy subject for people and one that is nearly impossible to NOT get emotional about. I am trying to approach this from a "what would I want" and an objective standpoint. Tell me what you think.

As people age, their bodies fail. We all know this. As time goes on, medicine "improves" and our ability to fight ailments, sustain life and reverse aging increases. Is this really a good thing? That is the over all question of this blog entry.

Do we really do anyone any favors by sustaining their lives when they are completely invalid and have virtually none of the faculties they used to have, mental, physical, even emotional? At what point do we cross from keeping them alive and sustaining a quality life to prolonging the inevitable and potentially inflicting more pain (not just physical)? How big of a role does the health care industry itself play in this? In other words, they play into our emotions to sustain a miserable life in the name of being "humane" and make big bucks doing so.

Think about it, you are a fully functioning, completely independent 60 year old. You have a massive (fill in the blank with some terrible physical episode) that causes permanent damage and ensures you will never be able to be independent. Do you really want to be sustained? Fast forward, you are the same only 80 when you have this episode, do you want to be sustained? Do we sometimes sustain life for us rather than for the sick person? In other words, who is this life sustaining medicine really for? Sometimes I think it is more for the healthy ones who are unwilling to let go.

I am not condemning the behavior, I totally understand. But, is it really humane? I know the obvious argument is, well what if they could have gotten better? What if there was a miracle cure of some kind. I get that, really, I do. But, realistically, how long can someone hold out for this? How long before we are really just causing misery instead of holding on to hope?

I am undecided on this issue. I don't know the "right" or "moral" thing to do. I do know that it should be discussed. I also know that it makes people uncomfortable to think about because it reminds us of our mortality. I would never want someone to "quit" but at the same time, I don't want people to suffer if there is no chance of recovery. I am not advocating purposely ending someone's life (like a Dr. Kevorkian thing), but perhaps consciously NOT sustaining life.

Ok, your turn. Please be respectful. People carry a LOT of baggage in this area for an assortment of reasons.